Being a Captain, I have some experience with managing groups of things….which is similar to budgets.  So in a way you could say that I might be an asset to the Government during this time of need.

We all know they passed a $700 billion relief package.  Here’s the true scoop based on all my years in the fake military.

$350 billion of it is going to taxes right away.  Just pretend like it doesn’t even exist.

The banks already owe $200 billion to their buddies who loaned them money for pizza and stuff.  So that really means, the bail out is only really going to be about $150 billion. The banks will want to hire some pretty good accountants, since it seems theirs are pretty shoddy, there’s $50 billion right there in out sourcing all those jobs, plus fancy desks, big calculators, and bribes to keep their mouths shut.

That’s leaves $100 billion dollars.  That seems like still a nice chunk of change, but let’s remember who we are dealing with.  These organizations are use to Christmas parties that cost more than that.  So what I am anticipating is that the banks will divvy up the remaining $100 billion, take 40% of that to stay afloat and the remaining 60% to “tear one up” one last time.  I’m talking a little shindig with punch, inflatable guests, and enough pudding to hold a decent pudding wrestling match. 

So there’s the truth.  That’s where all the money is going to go, whether they say so or not, at least there will be a decent pudding wrestling out of the deal.