Someday, when we are all old and gray, we’ll be able to look back at the date of Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008 and tell our grandchildren where we were and what we were doing when one of the seminal moments in this country’s history occurred. Because it was on that date that this happened:

It was on that date, just last Tuesday, when Michelle and Barack Obama excitedly bumped their fists together and somehow, at the same time, managed to slam their fists into the brains of half the nation’s population, making them even more brain dead than they were before. Which, when you think about it, is one hell of an accomplishment. Maybe these guys really do represent change after all.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but searching back in my memory database, I’m reasonably certain that I was aware of the “fist bump” and what it meant before last Tuesday. In fact, I’m almost positive that everybody in the entire world knew what a fist bump was. But now, after the Obamas used it in public in a moment of celebration after having finally and definitively crushed Hillary Clinton’s hopes and dreams forever, you would think that they had just performed some kind of ritual human sacrifice onstage.

Or, based on Fox News’ reaction, an act of terrorism:

Yessir, you heard right. A “terrorist fist jab”. What they don’t tell you, though, is that once his speech was over, Obama used a “terrorist wrist grab” to open his car door knob, performed a “terrorist sit down” to seat himself in his car seat, did a “terrorist foot press” on the gas pedal, and drove himself back home to his “terrorist base of operations.” You know, because he’s a terrorist.

So since we’re now all pretending that we’ve never seen a fist bump before, and that since we saw the African American Presidential candidate and his wife do it on national television that it’s probably some sort of secret message for Osama bin Laden, I guess it’s safe to now assume that anyone who does fist bumps must be a terrorist. Good deal. I will proceed as such.

TERRORIST!

TERRORIST!

TERRORISTS!

MULTICULTURAL TERRORISTS!

LITTLE LEAGUE TERRORISTS!

TERRORIST OR NO TERRORIST!

WONDER TERRORIST POWERS ACTIVATE!

So yeah. Let it be known that if you ever bump your fist into someone else’s for any reason at all, you just showed the entire world just how much of a terrorist sympathizer you are at heart. Although I am curious, if bumping fists clearly identifies a person as a terrorist, I wonder what this could possibly mean?

My guess? They’re both probably gay.