Barack Obama no longer has a chance to become the next President of the United States. In my book, at least.

In case you hadn’t heard or didn’t think that it was important, Obama, while campaigning in Altoona, Pennsylvania, stopped into a bowling alley to chat up the townies and further enflame racial tensions by throwing a big black ball at a bunch of helpless white pins. Obviously, he understood the significance of this action and decided to BOWL AS POORLY HAS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, so that he didn’t threaten any of the quivering, blue-collar white folk around him.

He bowled a 37. Barack Obama, a man who is running for leader of the free world, bowled a 37. Thirty-seven. 3-7. Take thirty and add seven more to it, that’s what he bowled.

I cannot in good conscience vote for a man who cannot at least bowl his age (he’s 46). It’s pitiful, to say the least. It’s just not presidential.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks so, either.

Chris Matthews: “…the fact that he’s good at basketball doesn’t surprise anybody, but the fact that he’s that terrible at bowling does make you wonder.”

Wonder what, exactly? Nixon was a good bowler. We sure as shit don’t want another Nixon.

Jo Scarborough: “…the thing is, Americans want their president, if it’s a man, to be a real man. You get 150, you’re a man, or a good woman…”

Hear that, ladies? Joe thinks you need to hit the lanes and get that average up to 150 or higher, otherwise he won’t even consider dating you.

Now, I’m not going to sit her and make thinly-veiled racial remarks (Matthews) or bold-faced sexist remarks sprinkled with questions about his sexual orientation (Scarborough), but I will sit and wonder what could have been if he could have only picked up a spare or two. Not to ape Matthews, but thank God he has a decent jump shot.

I don’t even want to think what a president who can’t bowl would do to our foreign relations…

I will crush you…Obama.