Is it that time of year again? Time to let the TV stars know that they’re loved and appreciated? Apparently so. It’s the Emmys, LIVE on your television screen, and also LIVE on your Internet screen, as I sit and make snarky comments about the show LIVE as it happens. It’s like I’m in your house next to you, and I won’t shut up. That’s a thing you wanted, right?

So, enjoy. If you have comments to make, either keep them to yourself or chime them in on the box. I’ll choose whether to include them or not, because I have the ability to do that and also I’M DRUNK WITH POWER. The usual rules apply: No cursing. No insults directed at anyone besides the people on the TV (namely, me). No drinking. No smoking. No pants? Well, I guess it’s not like I can see you or anything, so whatever. Just be aware that you’re disgusting. And, as always, no wagers, please.

Ground rules are set, now all that’s left is the fun. Enjoy yourself and, as always, I appreciate that you don’t have anything better to do with your life.

Join me tonight as I help to celebrate my oldest living friend – the television. Tonight is the Emmys, where the stars of the flat screen come together to congratulate themselves. Which is why I will, in turn, be performing my own self-congratulatory act – liveblogging. Feel the excitement, people. Feel it.