Obama Makes Tough Decisions on Auto Industry, Michigan
President Obama spoke this morning about the dire business that is our sputtering auto industry. The head of General Motors was asked to step down and Italian auto company, Fiat, has been brought in to help Chrysler stay solvent. But, the real stunner came when the President announced that the entire state of Michigan has been sold at a loss to Canada.
“Times are tough and there are no easy decisions when it comes to the American people. So, to ease the burden on the rest of the states and on myself and my economic team, I have made the decision to sell Michigan to Canada for $10 billion dollars, a lifetime supply of Molson and the rights to Alex Trebek.” the President announced, “This is a new way forward for our nation. At a time when we all have to tighten our belts on our individual budgets, the country as a whole cannot be expected to stand on the sidelines. That is why this decision has been made. And we will move forward as a more tightly united 49 states.”
Tough times indeed call for tough action, and they don’t get much tougher than this, losing an entire state. But, with Michigan’s entire economy in freefall with the decline of the once vital auto industry, it’s a decision that makes sense. Of course, this starts the slippery slope toward the selling of other unprofitable states.
Canada has embraced their acquisition of Michigan with gusto, already starting re-education classes for older adults in French and on the metric system. Everyone in Michigan has already been mailed Canadian driver’s licenses along with charts explaining Canadian currency and essays extolling the benefits of eating french fries with gravy, instead of ketchup. The Canadian government has also already sent out a task force to go around to each of their new residents and tell them how glad they are to see them.
The Detroit Lions will be absorbed into the Canadian Football League starting with the upcoming season, while the Pistons will be converted wholesale into another hockey team. The Detriot Red Wings will be relocated to Yellowknife, in the Yukon Territory and renamed the Polar Bears. The University of Michigan will be renamed the Queen’s University, but will keep the Wolverine as their mascot.
Residents of Michigan are said to be stunned, but mildly curious about becoming Canadian. Ohio residents are reportedly upset that they will now have to bear the brunt of vacationing Canadians in their parks and Walmart parking lots.
Anyone Got a Fiddle?
Let’s get a few things straight. Just so there isn’t any confusion.
- Rush Limbaugh is a blowhard, who refuses to interact with anyone but his true believers.
- Rush Limbaugh wants Barack Obama to fail.
- If Barack Obama’s policies fail, like them or lump them, our country sinks deeper into the growing depression.
- Rush Limbaugh IS the de-facto leader of the GOP. Michael Steele, head of the Republican National Committee, called out Rush on CNN, was in turn called out by Rush, then called Rush and apologized.
- Bobby Jindal, the GOP’s boy wonder and part-time Kenneth the page impersonator, thinks that Rush Limbaugh is a great leader.
Everyone clear on all of that? Good. Now, here is my problem.
WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SAME SIDE, YOU ASSHOLES!
We have a President who is trying to pass measures that he believes will not only help us climb out of the mess that we’re in, but will help us grow stronger as a nation. The opposition party, the GOP, instead of realizing that we’re in a gigantic mess and it’s time to put aside differences and work with the President to do all that they can to help the people that elected them to Congress, have decided to obstruct and deride everything that the President does. They’re playing politics while the country faces down the possibility of a economic depression that could be as bad as the Great Depression, maybe even worse.
Will someone please tell me why people aren’t more upset about all of this? I mean, if I was being represented in Congress by a member of the GOP, I’d be clamoring for a recall election. I’d be writing letters and calling their offices, letting them know that I want action and not derision. I want someone who, regardless of party affiliation, works to do the very best that they can for me and my neighbors. Thankfully, I don’t have that problem.
This is a real problem, this playing of politics with our lives and our well-being in a time of real crisis. This isn’t a situation where the President got a hummer in the Oval office, this is serious fucking business and the GOP is dicking around like none of it affects them. Sure, financially, they’re all just fine, but how long are their constituents going to put up with their grandstanding and obstruction? How long are they going to be able to fool enough of the poor people that have voted for them in years past?
The GOP is opposing the Economic Stimulus package because of all of the spending. Meanwhile, they rubber-stamped extra funding for the war in Iraq time and time again without a single problem. So, funding a war overseas that was rife with corruption from top to bottom (not the soldiers, but every other part of it), is just fine. But funding the rebuilding of their own country, well, that’s just wasteful government spending.
The GOP is against healthcare reform and free healthcare for all Americans. Many of their constituents are losing their health coverage as we speak. High costs and red tape have made our healthcare system a gigantic mess. But they deride healthcare for all as “socialism” and “European-style.” Y’know what? If I could have European-style socialist free healthcare, I’d take it. Most every American, if they put aside their partisan douchebaggery, wants it. Imagine the relief that free healthcare would provide for struggling Americans and small businesses. Now, keep imagining it, because if the Republicans have anything to say, it will never happen.
I know that this comes across as a screed against everything that Republicans stand for and that I sound like a schill for the Democrats. I assure you, that’s not the case. If there was a way to bail out the economy that didn’t involve mortgaging our future, I’d be all for it. But no one put anything forward, they just screamed against what Obama was proposing, then refused to vote for it. If there was a better proposal that allowed every American to have free healthcare, I’d be all for listening. But the extent of the GOP’s solution is to tell people without healthcare to go to the Emergency Room for every medical problem. That’s not a solution, that’s retarded.
I want solutions and ideas to fix what’s wrong with our country. Yes, I voted for President Obama, but I could give two shits where the answers come from, I just want the solutions to our problems. Obama and his people are offering solutions. The Republicans have offered cries of “socialism,” calls for the President to fail and have questioned the President’s nationality. Their answer to the problems we face is to play politics. I’m tired of playing politics. I want solutions and until I hear anything resembling a solution or an idea from them, I will refuse to recognize them as a legitimate representation of what America needs.
They’re just content with fiddling while our country burns. That’s not putting “America First.”
BREAKING: We Can Blog And Think About the Economy At The Same Time
The other morning (or mid-afternoon, bloggers don’t usually wake up before noon) I contacted Erik about putting out a joint statement pertaining to the possible suspension of our blogging duties so that we could both head to Washington to help Congress draft the legislation that is needed to bail out our economy. We left it at the agreement that we would both think about the proposition and get back to each other after we each had time to chug a few Red Bulls and eat some Pop Tarts.
So, imagine my surprise when I saw that, not hours after we had spoken…ahem, I mean after I had contacted him to speak about the issue, he posted that he was calling for a suspension of all blogging to focus on the economy. I was shocked, SHOCKED at this development. Apparently, it was something that he was more decisive about in his own mind.
I believe that we should continue to have our blogging. I believe that it makes sense for us to continue to present ourselves to a infinitesimally small segment of the extremely bored and entertainment-starved American people that this site appeals to. We can still do plenty of thinking about the economy. We have the ability to take on both issues at once. I mean, if I can blog, search for porn featuring Abe Vigoda and Instant Message with old college friends, all while illegally downloading the new TV on the Radio album, I think I can focus on blogging AND the economy, no problem.
If we do need to rush to Washington to help this crucial legislation get passed, well, we both have big planes with our slogans painted on the sides of them. I think that they can get us to there pretty quickly.
So, while I respect my colleagues’ call for focus on the economy, I respectfully disagree. I should also point out that the possible reason for his change in course might just be that he has been slipping in the polls on key issues as of late and that this is a massive stunt to cover up those slips. He’s trying to distract you, the American people, from the fact that his campaign as of late, to be blunt, has been a myriad of messy misrepresentations, misappropriations and malapropisms.
I call on Erik to join me in not suspending blogging, but to try and do both. As a blogger, it’s our job to focus on more than one thing at a time. We can’t just suspend blogging whenever we feel like it. That’s not the way to properly run a blog.
BREAKING: This blog is shutting down to deal with the economy.
I didn’t want it to have to come to this, but it looks like I have no other choice.
My friends, I am shutting down this blog so that I may spend more time thinking about the economy. Because the economy is very important to me right now, and the less time I spend thinking about it, the worse it will get. This is a risk I am not prepared to take, for the good of the country.
Here is a picture of me thinking. About the economy. I am a very passionate thinker.
In the spirit of bipartisanship, I call on Nate to suspend his blogging as well, and that together we delay our liveblog of the debates on Friday until another date, more than likely until the date they decide to have the debate on. Now is not the time for wasteful postings on blanket clothing and resemblances of presidential candidates with turtles. Now is a time for action. And by action, I mean thinking. About the economy.
I’d like to stay and discuss this, but there’s just no time. I need to be thinking right now. About the economy. You guys can do whatever you want to do, but me, I have thinking to do. Goodbye forever. Or until tomorrow. Whatever.