SodBlogging the Oscars.

Continuing our tradition of revolutionizing the Internet, tonight is a (sorta-)live blog of the Oscars. We know. We’re as excited as you are.

And now, the most glamorous evening that has ever happened or ever will happen:

Erik says: (7:08:28 PM)
Pre-shows are awfully boring.

Kelly says: (7:08:52 PM)
Miley Cyrus is here. Where’s Billy Ray Cyrus?
Erik says: (7:09:21 PM)
Probably hording the scraps of food his daughter didn’t eat for supper.
Kelly says: (7:10:38 PM)
She doesn’t look like she eats an entire sandwich. That’s probably a good deal for him.

Kelly says: (7:14:27 PM)
Helen Mirren wears sleeves to cover up her tattoos.

Kelly says: (7:17:24 PM)
Regis pulls the oldest person in the stands at the red carpet out for an interview. It’s Demi Moore, and she looks like shit.

Kelly says: (7:24:56 PM)
Regis is talking to an army of women in bride dresses. Who is marrying all those women? Was that one of the conditions of the writers strike?
Internet residuals, and everybody gets a bride.
Erik says: (7:26:03 PM)
Seems like a pretty good deal. No wonder they settled.
Kelly says: (7:26:32 PM)
They were holding out for Miley Cyrus’ leftover food.

Kelly says: (7:28:03 PM)
Does Nickaulson get front-row everywhere because he has cataracts?
Kelly says: (7:28:14 PM)
Poor guy.
Erik says: (7:28:21 PM)
Boy, did you just butcher his last name.
Kelly says: (7:28:38 PM)
I was referring to the golfer.
Erik says: (7:28:47 PM)
You butchered his too.
Kelly says: (7:28:59 PM)
Prize fighter?
Erik says: (7:29:04 PM)
Sorry, no.
Kelly says: (7:29:07 PM)
Janitor? Milk man? Librarian?
Erik says: (7:29:39 PM)
I don’t have time for this.
Kelly says: (7:30:03 PM)
You’d think somebody would be named Jack Nickaulson.

Kelly says: (7:39:43 PM)
Jon Stewart is delivering his monologue. Election jokes are edgy.
Erik says: (7:40:01 PM)
I’ll say.
Kelly says: (7:40:01 PM)
I, too, like Democrats.
Erik says: (7:40:14 PM)
As do I. I am enjoying this show.

Erik says: (7:42:39 PM)
Starting with costume design is not a good omen.
Kelly says: (7:43:05 PM)
Holy crap. Who costumed the costumer? Take that award back.
Erik says: (7:44:04 PM)
I demand a recall!
Kelly says: (7:44:24 PM)
Who made your dress? Hobby Lobby?
Kelly says: (7:44:28 PM)
Oh, I’m so catty.

Kelly says: (7:44:54 PM)
I, too, like bendy straws.
Erik says: (7:45:12 PM)
Bend it.
Kelly says: (7:45:26 PM)
What the hell just happened?
Kelly says: (7:45:40 PM)
That commercial had a more confusing ending that No Country for Old Men.

Kelly says: (7:49:26 PM)
Is this the mistakes reel?
Erik says: (7:50:04 PM)
It’s the “Celebrating everything that ever sucked on the Oscars” clip. Notice the prominent featuring of Rob Lowe and Snow White.

Kelly says: (7:51:02 PM)
Russell Crowe threw that Oscar at a hotel clerk, later that night.

Kelly says: (7:52:13 PM)
Jesus. Philip Seymour Hoffman dates the elderly, apparently.
Erik says: (7:52:35 PM)
Somebody has to.

Kelly says: (7:52:45 PM)
Animated feature is the second award?
Erik says: (7:53:11 PM)
Guess they’re going in alphabetical order tonight.

Kelly says: (7:53:47 PM)
The nominees are Ratatouie, and the movies that will lose to Ratatouie.
Kelly says: (7:54:31 PM)
Erik says: (7:55:10 PM)
You just think that up?
Kelly says: (7:55:30 PM)
I hope so. I should Google it, to be sure.

Kelly says: (7:56:05 PM)
He’d have more time for thank-you’s if he didn’t tell long, involved stories about his guidance counselor.
Erik says: (7:56:17 PM)
We all would.

Kelly says: (7:56:52 PM)
Go, Norbit!
Kelly says: (7:57:27 PM)
Oh, sonofabitch. They lost. This thing’s rigged.
Erik says: (7:57:47 PM)
Will Norbit never get its credit?
Kelly says: (7:58:18 PM)
They made Eddie Murphy into an awful stereotype. Do you know how difficult that is?

Kelly says: (7:58:49 PM)
Welcome to the stage. Now get off it.
Erik says: (7:59:00 PM)

Kelly says: (7:59:07 PM)
Was Eddie Vedder nominated for best song?
Erik says: (7:59:44 PM)
Nope. They had to nominate three songs from Enchanted instead.
Kelly says: (7:59:59 PM)
Does Amy Adams sing all of them?
Erik says: (8:00:40 PM)
I hope so.

Kelly says: (8:01:18 PM)
Alright, I’m 1-for-3 in my last-second picks for the awards, so far.
Kelly says: (8:02:56 PM)
I wouldn’t want to be the guy to give the best supporting actor award to Javier Bordem.
Kelly says: (8:03:10 PM)
Especially if he brings that cattle gun onstage.

Kelly says: (8:05:24 PM)
Regis hosts the Oscar pre-show. Kelly’s in a Tide commercial.
Erik says: (8:05:33 PM)
So it all evens out.
Kelly says: (8:05:41 PM)
This country isn’t ready for a female president, apparently.
Erik says: (8:06:10 PM)
I had already gotten that impression from the election results to this point.

Kelly says: (8:06:40 PM)
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a montage.

Kelly says: (8:07:10 PM)
The Rock’s name is Glen Johnson?
Erik says: (8:07:15 PM)
Kelly says: (8:07:28 PM)
Get off the stage, Glen.
Erik says: (8:07:56 PM)
Kelly says: (8:08:13 PM)
Stop calling me Dwayne.

Kelly says: (8:08:24 PM)
Go, Transformers.
Kelly says: (8:08:39 PM)
Kelly says: (8:09:11 PM)
Animate one stupid talking polar bear, and suddenly everybody loves you.

Erik says: (8:09:21 PM)
This category sucks in every way possible.
Kelly says: (8:09:23 PM)
Play them off!
Erik says: (8:09:34 PM)
No, explode them off the stage! Do it for Michael Bay!
Kelly says: (8:09:38 PM)
Throw them off the stage, Glen!
Erik says: (8:09:46 PM)
Kelly says: (8:09:59 PM)
My name is not Dwayne! I will not calm down!

Kelly says: (8:10:12 PM)
Hey, a purple dress.
Erik says: (8:10:24 PM)
She’s a trendsetter.

Erik says: (8:12:05 PM)
That lady’s dress is kind of purple.
Erik says: (8:12:11 PM)
The trend has started.
Kelly says: (8:12:33 PM)
Purple is the new red.

Kelly says: (8:13:43 PM)
Montage! Yes!
Erik says: (8:14:07 PM)
It’s, literally, been almost ten minutes since the last one. I was starting to lose hope.

Kelly says: (8:14:13 PM)
Who won supporting actress last year?
Erik says: (8:15:38 PM)
American Idol.
Kelly says: (8:15:47 PM)
Ah, yes. How could I forget, after all the great movie roles Jennifer Hudson had this year?
Erik says: (8:16:03 PM)
She’s multi-talented.
Kelly says: (8:16:18 PM)
After you give Javier the award, Jennifer, do not flip his coin. It’s a trick.

Erik says: (8:16:29 PM)
Casey Affleck is my new favorite Affleck.
Erik says: (8:16:39 PM)
Excluding Jennifer Garner.

Kelly says: (8:18:29 PM)
Javier wins. Run, Jennifer! Run for your life!
Kelly says: (8:18:50 PM)
Ah, dammit. He didn’t even shoot her in the knee.
Erik says: (8:19:04 PM)
That is unfortunate.

Kelly says: (8:19:37 PM)
He’s such a nice guy for a psychopath.
Kelly says: (8:20:38 PM)
I think I’m 3-for-6.

Kelly says: (8:23:15 PM)
Yes! Montage!
Erik says: (8:24:10 PM)
Still to come, more montages.
Kelly says: (8:24:26 PM)
That dress is not purple.
Kelly says: (8:24:31 PM)
Or is it?
Erik says: (8:24:36 PM)
It would be so much better if it was.

Kelly says: (8:28:10 PM)
They’re playing the choir off the stage.
Kelly says: (8:28:15 PM)
These people mean business.

Kelly says: (8:28:45 PM)
Oh, crap. Owen Wilson. Nobody make any jokes.

Kelly says: (8:29:36 PM)
Go, Le Mozart ze whateveritspants.
Erik says: (8:29:52 PM)
You have chosen foolishly.
Kelly says: (8:29:56 PM)
Kelly says: (8:30:19 PM)
4-for-7. I’m the greatest of all-time.

Kelly says: (8:31:31 PM)
Hey, a bee montage.

Kelly says: (8:33:03 PM)
Damn wolf.
Kelly says: (8:33:12 PM)
Erik says: (8:33:16 PM)
You suck.

Kelly says: (8:33:47 PM)
The man accepting an award for animated short comes equipped with a wooden statue, to accept his new gold statue. How many statues does that dude need?
Erik says: (8:33:53 PM)
Kelly says: (8:34:04 PM)
Seems sort of greedy.

Kelly says: (8:35:01 PM)
Shouldn’t Cate Blanchett have been up for supporting actor?
Erik says: (8:35:29 PM)
I don’t know. The whole system confuses me.
Kelly says: (8:36:21 PM)
Wow. Bob Dylan is pretty.
Kelly says: (8:38:07 PM)
I pick Cate Blanchett.
Kelly says: (8:38:22 PM)
And I feel bad for all the losers.
Kelly says: (8:38:27 PM)
Kelly says: (8:39:00 PM)
That lady just made me look foolish to all the readers.
Erik says: (8:39:14 PM)
You make yourself look foolish, son.

Kelly says: (8:46:34 PM)
Tommy Lee Jones seems very excited to see Josh Brolin.
Erik says: (8:47:35 PM)
Wouldn’t you be?

Kelly says: (8:49:30 PM)
Play Sid off the stage.
Kelly says: (8:49:37 PM)
I don’t want to hear his crap.
Kelly says: (8:50:14 PM)
Everyone is bored, Sid.
Kelly says: (8:50:24 PM)
Oh, great. Winner-picking montage.

Kelly says: (8:51:40 PM)
They let Michael Bay vote?
Erik says: (8:52:16 PM)
Why not? Only he knows the secret of what is awesome and what is not.

Kelly says: (8:56:13 PM)
Why is that Jamaican guy a part of this “Enchanted” song?
Erik says: (8:56:18 PM)
He’s probably lost.

Nate has been added to the LIVE BLOG!!
Nate says: (9:00:31 PM)
Hola, fellas
Kelly says: (9:00:38 PM)
Say something funny.
Nate says: (9:00:43 PM)
Erik says: (9:00:56 PM)
You’ve missed 28 film montages.

Kelly says: (9:01:12 PM)
Cate Blanchett
Kelly says: (9:01:13 PM)
Dammit. I can’t pick for shit.
Erik says: (9:01:28 PM)
That one counts for your total.
Kelly says: (9:01:35 PM)
Kelly says: (9:01:48 PM)
Blanchett screws me, again.
Nate says: (9:02:12 PM)
You lucky, lucky man.

Kelly says: (9:02:20 PM)
Seth Rogen and shorter, fatter Seth Rogen are here to present an award.
Nate says: (9:02:31 PM)
Great, he’s replicating. Like the Cloverfield monster.
Nate says: (9:02:43 PM)
Does that mean that he’ll be in 20 more movies this year?

Kelly says: (9:03:07 PM)
No Country. I don’t even know what award this is, but I pick No Country for Old Men.
Kelly says: (9:03:23 PM)
Oh, wait. … Should I pick Transformers?
Kelly says: (9:03:29 PM)
Goddamnit. I lose.
Nate says: (9:03:37 PM)
Never, ever pick against Jason Bourne
Erik says: (9:03:51 PM)
Optimus Prime was screwed.
Kelly says: (9:04:02 PM)
There’s not even talking robot-cars in any of the Bourne movies.

Kelly says: (9:04:19 PM)
Someone needs to punch that ponytail guy.
Kelly says: (9:04:27 PM)
Chris Rausch?
Kelly says: (9:04:30 PM)
Kelly says: (9:04:51 PM)
How the hell did (SodBlogger) Chris Rausch just get thanked?
Nate says: (9:05:07 PM)
He’s connected, very well connected
Nate says: (9:05:53 PM)
Or he just paid the right people. Wait for later in the show, where I had some people thank me for no reason.

Nate says: (9:06:03 PM)
No Country for Old Men…
Kelly says: (9:06:15 PM)
Transformers! I pick Transformers!
Kelly says: (9:06:33 PM)
Nate says: (9:06:41 PM)
You should stop, stop now.
Kelly says: (9:06:43 PM)
I hate you so much, Matt Damon.
Kelly says: (9:06:52 PM)
That must have been a good-sounding movie.
Nate says: (9:07:24 PM)
No, they voters are just terrified of Jason Bourne, and they should be.

Kelly says: (9:07:56 PM)
Poor ponytail guy. They wouldn’t let him talk.
Kelly says: (9:08:16 PM)
He probably just would have thanked Rausch, anyway.

Kelly says: (9:09:12 PM)
Kathy Bates. Won an Oscar. Now she does DirecTV commercials.

Nate says: (9:09:31 PM)
Helen Mirren’s hot…
Nate says: (9:09:36 PM)
Is that wrong of me to say?
Kelly says: (9:09:40 PM)
She’s dating Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Kelly says: (9:10:37 PM)
I get the feeling that Cate Blanchett might win, since she lost supporting actress.
Kelly says: (9:10:59 PM)
Also, she’s pregnant. And she may kill someone if she loses again.
Nate says: (9:11:16 PM)
Judging from that last clip, I think you’re right.
Kelly says: (9:11:28 PM)
Jessica Alba already beat the shit out of the guys from Ratatouille, and stole their award.
Erik says: (9:11:45 PM)
She would have done that even if she wasn’t pregnant.
Kelly says: (9:11:49 PM)
She made Patton Oswalt cry.

Kelly says: (9:12:29 PM)
I’m picking Ellen Page. She’s delightful.
Kelly says: (9:12:46 PM)
And by picking, I mean she doesn’t have a chance in hell.
Kelly says: (9:13:09 PM)
Damn you, French woman.
Nate says: (9:13:38 PM)
Mitt was right, we’re already slowly becoming the France of the 21st century…

Kelly says: (9:13:57 PM)
Who did she say rocked her life?
Kelly says: (9:14:00 PM)
Was it Nicholson?
Erik says: (9:14:05 PM)

Nate says: (9:14:23 PM)
She just thanked “life.” I don’t think that can be topped.
Kelly says: (9:15:06 PM)
Rock smashes life. Paper covers rock.

Kelly says: (9:18:42 PM)
Oh, nice. Colin Farrell’s already drunk.
Kelly says: (9:18:52 PM)
Get a haircut, ya greaser.
Nate says: (9:18:59 PM)
You mean he isn’t always drunk?

Nate says: (9:19:33 PM)
Are his eyebrows starring in any upcoming films?
Kelly says: (9:20:05 PM)
They’re starring alongside Robin Williams’ arm hair in a project in 2009.

Kelly says: (9:20:35 PM)
Has anyone seen “Once”?
Erik says: (9:20:48 PM)
Nate says: (9:20:50 PM)
Three times a lady…
Nate says: (9:21:07 PM)
I should probably go away after that…

Nate says: (9:23:55 PM)
Best Picture already? It hasn’t been two hours yet.
Kelly says: (9:24:43 PM)
Did they give out Best Actor?
Erik says: (9:25:05 PM)
There’s no need to worry. It’s just another film montage.
Kelly says: (9:25:09 PM)
Did Will Smith win?
Nate says: (9:25:28 PM)
I’m sure he won something, he’s Will Smith.
Erik says: (9:25:45 PM)
Honorary Award for Freshest Prince (of Bel-Air).

Kelly says: (9:25:53 PM)
Holy crap. Are they really listing every Best Picture for 80 years?
Kelly says: (9:26:15 PM)
I think they are.
Kelly says: (9:27:30 PM)
They gave best picture to Titanic? I thought I dreamt that.
Nate says: (9:28:22 PM)
Me, too

Nate says: (9:28:35 PM)

Kelly says: (9:28:37 PM)
What award is this? Editing? I pick Matt Damon movie.
Nate says: (9:29:08 PM)
Roderick Jaynes better win, just to see who comes up.
Nate says: (9:29:09 PM)
Kelly says: (9:29:10 PM)
Kelly says: (9:31:23 PM)
Never bet against Matt Damon.

Nate says: (9:31:45 PM)
Nicole Kidman, again redefining the term “severe.”
Kelly says: (9:32:07 PM)
She’s wearing a black dress. She must not have gotten the red dress memo.
Nate says: (9:32:24 PM)
and she stole some of Mr.T’s jewelry

Kelly says: (9:34:04 PM)
That is a fantastic beard.
Nate says: (9:34:31 PM)
That is a fantastically old man
Nate says: (9:34:54 PM)
Hal Holbrook is happy to have someone else his age at the show
Kelly says: (9:34:57 PM)
He’s so old, he calls John McCain “pup.”
Nate says: (9:35:34 PM)
If I were him, I’d have that Oscar fashioned into a pommel for his cane…
Kelly says: (9:35:53 PM)
You think they’ll play him off?
Kelly says: (9:36:34 PM)
Then the Rock will come in and carry him away.
Kelly says: (9:36:55 PM)
Actually, he doesn’t look that heavy. Helen Mirren could probably do the job.
Nate says: (9:37:25 PM)
This guy is my new hero, he calls Alfred Hitchcock “Hitch.” That’s a man’s man. Screw George Clooney.
Erik says: (9:38:59 PM)
I’m not going to put up with this anti-Clooney talk for much longer.
Erik says: (9:40:04 PM)
I can only take so much.

Kelly says: (9:42:36 PM)
Is her dress purple?
Nate says: (9:42:47 PM)
Depends on what country you’re from.
Kelly says: (9:43:00 PM)
I’m from America.
Kelly says: (9:43:03 PM)
Cuz this is America.

Kelly says: (9:43:19 PM)
I’m picking whichever one of these films has Matt Damon in it.

Kelly says: (9:45:07 PM)
Hey. McDreamy.
Nate says: (9:45:15 PM)
I want to be introduced as “Versatile and Handsome,” too.
Kelly says: (9:45:20 PM)
He really is special.
Nate says: (9:45:43 PM)
Versatile and handsome, like a very well-polished Swiss Army Knife

Kelly says: (9:45:46 PM)
I can’t decide which one of these sappy Enchanted songs I like best.
Nate says: (9:47:33 PM)
His suit is an optical illusion, it makes him look like he’s not a total sissy
Erik says: (9:47:50 PM)
I need one of those suits.

Kelly says: (9:48:11 PM)
I wish Phil Collins was singing this song.
Nate says: (9:48:52 PM)
I can’t tell you how often I’ve said that exact same thing…Phil Collins should sing everything, everywhere.

Kelly says: (9:49:16 PM)
Go Once song.
Kelly says: (9:50:16 PM)
Once? Really?
Nate says: (9:50:37 PM)
No idea what that is.
Erik says: (9:50:42 PM)
That’s delightful.
Kelly says: (9:50:57 PM)
It’s supposed to be a good movie. The lead singer of the Frames stars in it.

Nate says: (9:51:07 PM)
Is he speaking English?
Kelly says: (9:51:34 PM)
Let the lady speak, you jerks.
Nate says: (9:51:38 PM)
Did he just tell us all to “make out?”
Kelly says: (9:51:42 PM)
That orchestra has to be stopped.

Kelly says: (9:54:25 PM)
Who are the people who update Wikipedia so quickly. The lead singer of the Frames is already an “academy award winning singer” on here.
Kelly says: (9:54:33 PM)
Nate says: (9:54:53 PM)
People with nothing better to do with their time…people who would otherwise be liveblogging the Oscars.
Kelly says: (9:55:07 PM)
Kelly says: (9:55:29 PM)
Could be worse. We could be liveblogging the Oscars twice. At the same time.
Nate says: (9:55:33 PM)
Erik says: (9:56:16 PM)
My fingers hurt so much right now.

Kelly says: (9:56:28 PM)
The lead singer of the Frames has more Oscars than Bono does.
Nate says: (9:56:56 PM)

Nate says: (9:58:03 PM)
Viggo Mortenson looks creepy with a beard

Kelly says: (10:01:11 PM)
Colin Farrell looks bored.
Erik says: (10:01:30 PM)
He’d rather be drinking and/or swearing.
Kelly says: (10:01:32 PM)
He misses the gutter.
Kelly says: (10:02:07 PM)
Him and the lead singer of the Frames are going to have a brogue-off, later.

Kelly says: (10:02:18 PM)
Barry Nelson died?
Kelly says: (10:02:20 PM)
Kelly says: (10:02:40 PM)
Melville Shavelson?
Nate says: (10:02:52 PM)
Made-up name
Kelly says: (10:03:43 PM)
How deep are they going to put Heath Ledger?
Nate says: (10:03:52 PM)
Kelly says: (10:04:10 PM)
I’m picking the Jaws guy.
Nate says: (10:05:03 PM)
There ya go, told you. Heath Ledger is shown last.
Kelly says: (10:05:06 PM)
What the hell? No Roy Schneider?
Erik says: (10:07:40 PM)
There’s still an outside chance that Roy Schneider will come back to life and kill us all. So it’s probably best they left him off.
Nate says: (10:08:53 PM)
He and Jason Bourne will come and get us all…

Kelly says: (10:10:57 PM)
Play the composer off, you orchestra jerks.
Kelly says: (10:11:13 PM)
Those hypocrites! They’re protecting their own.
Nate says: (10:11:19 PM)
They cannot turn on their own.
Nate says: (10:11:26 PM)
One of Us, One of Us.

Nate says: (10:11:46 PM)
Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks!!!
Nate says: (10:12:11 PM)
“And remember, if you see me on the street, please leave me be.”

Nate says: (10:13:21 PM)
Can’t really make any cracks about this. Damn you, Oscars!!
Kelly says: (10:13:30 PM)
Kelly says: (10:13:49 PM)
Loose Seal!
Nate says: (10:14:20 PM)
That last guy was packing a shoulder holster and extra clips…yet none of the others had firearms…weird

Kelly says: (10:15:14 PM)
So now they’re not playing anyone off?
Kelly says: (10:15:29 PM)
Cuz they know that Stewart will bring them off if they do
Nate says: (10:15:35 PM)
A lesbian auto mechanic. I don’t buy it.

Nate says: (10:16:24 PM)
He gets to introduce two? Just because he’s Tom Hanks?!

Kelly says: (10:16:54 PM)
Hey. Michael Moore gets to lose an Oscar.

Kelly says: (10:19:07 PM)
Political statement!
Kelly says: (10:19:13 PM)
Cut to a commercial!
Nate says: (10:19:28 PM)
Nah, cut to Elton John, it’s more festive.
Kelly says: (10:19:46 PM)
And Sly Stallone.
Kelly says: (10:19:51 PM)
Doesn’t get more American than that.
Erik says: (10:20:37 PM)
The bitch is back! And Rambo too!
Nate says: (10:20:40 PM)
Unless you show him beating up a Russian.
Kelly says: (10:21:22 PM)
Or killing terrorists!
Kelly says: (10:21:25 PM)
Kelly says: (10:21:29 PM)
Erik says: (10:21:36 PM)

Nate says: (10:22:05 PM)
Who the hell is Sean Combs?
Kelly says: (10:22:30 PM)
I think that’s The Rock’s real name.
Nate says: (10:22:39 PM)
Oh, okay.

Nate says: (10:23:47 PM)
$50 says Harrison beats the shit out of Jon Stewart backstage.

Kelly says: (10:24:05 PM)
Go, Juno.
Kelly says: (10:24:23 PM)
I want to see a stripper win an Oscar, dammit.
Nate says: (10:24:42 PM)
Don’t we all…
Erik says: (10:24:51 PM)
Brad Bird was a stripper?

Kelly says: (10:25:40 PM)
Diablo Cody appears to have stolen her outfit from Betty Rubble.
Nate says: (10:25:59 PM)
Nice tattoo.
Kelly says: (10:26:00 PM)
Helen Mirren has that same tattoo.
Kelly says: (10:26:19 PM)
She’s classy enough to wear sleeves, though.
Nate says: (10:26:23 PM)
And she knows her way around a stripper pole…

Kelly says: (10:26:48 PM)
Why’d she get all pissy at the end, there?
Nate says: (10:27:36 PM)
She was about to cry. Harrison would’ve consoled her, but he’s preoccupied, thinking about beating up Jon Stewart for that “Ford dealership” gag.
Kelly says: (10:28:23 PM)
Then he’s going after Mark Hammil for calling him “Banana Nose” on the set of Empire.
Nate says: (10:28:49 PM)
Harrison’s grudges know no statute of limitations.

Kelly says: (10:31:56 PM)
God help us if Clooney wins. He’s going to give us such a lecture about hybrid cars.
Nate says: (10:32:18 PM)
We’ll never live it down.

Kelly says: (10:34:29 PM)
I …
Kelly says: (10:34:31 PM)
drink …
Kelly says: (10:34:33 PM)
your …
Kelly says: (10:34:35 PM)

Nate says: (10:34:36 PM)
I thought that they said he wasn’t there, earlier
Kelly says: (10:34:52 PM)
He was in the bathroom.
Nate says: (10:35:09 PM)
Kelly says: (10:35:37 PM)
Wishing he’d still had his old-timey mustache.
Nate says: (10:35:56 PM)
I prefer to believe that he was back in England, but got here just to accept this award, because he’s Daniel Day-Lewis, and he can do that.
Nate says: (10:36:15 PM)
Whatever may happen, stay alive, I will find you!!!!

Erik says: (10:36:25 PM)
Am I too late to make the milkshake joke?
Nate says: (10:36:37 PM)
Yup, we’re being played off.
Kelly says: (10:36:50 PM)
I’ll give you thirty seconds. Go.
Erik says: (10:37:13 PM)
Um… Daniel Day-Lewis just drank George Clooney’s milkshake.
Kelly says: (10:37:14 PM)
20 seconds.
Erik says: (10:37:23 PM)
Slurp. He drank it up.
Kelly says: (10:37:23 PM)
13 seconds.
Erik says: (10:37:29 PM)
Okay, I think I’m done now.
Kelly says: (10:37:32 PM)
7 seconds.
Erik says: (10:37:48 PM)
No! Stop the clock! I finished!

Kelly says: (10:37:52 PM)
His milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Erik says: (10:38:03 PM)
Lame. That’s lame.
Nate says: (10:38:11 PM)
So, his milkshake is better than yours?
Kelly says: (10:38:22 PM)
He abandoned those same boys.
Kelly says: (10:38:30 PM)

Kelly says: (10:39:19 PM)
Oh, dammit. I got slobber all over my keyboard.
Erik says: (10:40:59 PM)
Well, calm down.

Kelly says: (10:42:53 PM)
Go, Coens.
Kelly says: (10:43:03 PM)
Don’t go, PTA.
Nate says: (10:43:13 PM)
Hey, you got one right!
Kelly says: (10:43:25 PM)
I totally rule.
Kelly says: (10:44:52 PM)
The Coens are kind of creepy.

Kelly says: (10:45:21 PM)
This would be a good moment for a Juno upset.
Nate says: (10:45:38 PM)
No Country….
Kelly says: (10:45:48 PM)
I had a reader explain No Country to me.
Nate says: (10:45:58 PM)
Picked it!
Kelly says: (10:46:09 PM)
It’s really quite brilliant. Or a trainwreck. I can’t decide.
Nate says: (10:46:30 PM)
I still haven’t seen it. I’m a sad and pathetic person.

Nate says: (10:47:39 PM)
You can’t even shave to accept your Oscar?

Nate says: (10:48:02 PM)
And I’m out.
Nate has left the conversation.
Kelly says: (10:48:39 PM)
I miss him.
Erik says: (10:48:53 PM)
So do I.

Kelly says: (10:49:07 PM)
Goodbye, Jennifer Hudson. We’ll miss you.
Erik says: (10:49:29 PM)
Always and forever.

That’s it. You can stop reading now. Seriously. You’re bothering us.

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