Interesting news out today. Remember this gal?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LPv9L6sy5c[/youtube]

Well, turns out that she won’t forever be known only as the narrow-minded runner-up to Miss USA 2009. Now, she’ll be known as the competitor for Miss USA that had her titties paid for by the Miss California Pageant. No shit.

I guess that this means a flood of flat-chested contenders will be moving to California as soon as possible, hoping to win the competition and cash in on the “unspoken” grand prize of new boobies. Makes one wonder what the runner up gets. Tummy tuck? Rhinoplasty? A Wonderbra?

I think that I totally got screwed for every competition I’ve ever won in my life, looking back now. I totally would have taken breast implants over a few of those crappy trophies and medals and shit.

Look, I know a former competitor in the Miss USA pageant, and over and over again, she made the case that the focus wasn’t placed squarely on just looks, but also talent and personality and intelligence. I believed her, too. I still didn’t give a shit about the competition itself, but I made fun of it a bit less.

I hate to say it, but this severely undercuts her argument. It takes a knife to it, if you will. It blows the whole thing out of proportion. It artificially inflates the importance of the whole thing.

I guess, in a way, this is just an evolution of all the old-school pageant tricks- like taping your breasts to your dress/bikini top to keep them from spilling out, smearing Vaseline on your teeth to make them shine, or using plaster of Paris to hold your hair in place during the talent portion. It’s just another trick of the trade, getting new boobs so that your chest will look more appealing and, apparently, so that you’ll have more confidence that your chest is appealing to America. To quote one of the Miss California Pageant officials:

“We want to put her in the best possible confidence in order to present herself in the best possible light on a national stage.”

So, I’m guessing a pep talk wasn’t quite enough. Or the fact that she had won a competition over who was the most beautiful and talented girl in the state of fucking California wasn’t enough. Had she never heard the Beach Boys’ “California Girls?” Because that’s quite an ego boost for California women right there. Although, given that this is the same girl that defended “opposite marriage” and took a stand against same-sex marriage on stage in front of literally tens of thousands of viewers worldwide, I’m guessing that the most direct way to make her feel better about herself was to give her some new tits. Ones that bounce and make her feel happy. I can see that. Bouncy boobs make lots of people happy, and they at least gave her something to bury her sorrows in after she lost her bid to be Miss USA by revealing that she was a horribly misinformed, bigoted person when it came to equal rights for all Americans. Plus, I’m sure they will look wonderful when her first leaked sex tape/Playboy photo spread/opposite-sex porn film comes out.

No matter what you call it, it may just be a case of a big, fake boob getting big, fake boobs.