If you have some free time, I’d like to get all elitist and annoying for just a while. Won’t take but a moment or so, I swear.

This last week’s #1 movie at movie theaters nationwide was a film called Meet The Spartans. Never heard? Of course you have. They only played the trailer on TV roughly every fifteen seconds on every channel. But just in case your brain is blocking the memory for the sake of self-preservation, allow me to refresh your memory.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onX8C05G-kA[/youtube]

Yes, that Meet The Spartans.

Now, based on my highly scientific computing system of taking the weekend grosses of $18,505,530 and dividing them by $8, I would say that roughly 2.3 million people went to the box office ticket counter and said, “I’d like to see Meet the Spartans, please.” Thus, the rest of this blog is devoted to those 2.3 million people alone. The rest of you are now excused.

Everyone else out? Good.

First of all, hello. And congratulations on figuring out how to turn on your computer today. You’ve already exceeded expectations. Now, if you and I are to coexist in society, I’m going to have to lay down a few ground rules. First of all, just to let you know, you’re not allowed to vote anymore. You’re likely a key contributer to the last seven years of Commander Cuckoo Bananas, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to ever have to say the words President Ron Paul. And give me your car keys. I don’t want you driving at the same time as me either. Matter of fact, if you could just go home and stay in your basement for the rest of your natural life, you’d be doing everyone a heck of a favor.

There. Now we have come to an agreement, and it seems like we understand each other better. I feel like we’ve really accomplished something here today. Good for us.