Being only an entry level nerd, I’m not exactly the world’s biggest fan of either Star Trek or Star Wars, but this bit of news? Uh…no.

Galaxy Clash
Star Wars and Star Trek Series to Meetup in Crossover Film

What if the mission to boldly go where no man has gone before ended up in a galaxy far, far away? It’s more likely than you think.

Studio sources reveal that Lucasfilms and Paramount Pictures are teaming up to release a crossover film with the Star Trek and Star Wars universes. The film will be scripted by Star Wars creator George Lucas, and directed by JJ Abrams, who directed the recent Star Trek reboot film.

“We can confirm that this is 100% legitimate,” a Paramount exec revealed. “For decades, fans of Star Trek and Star Wars have fought over which series is superior to the other. We are happy to make this dream into a reality.”

Despite still being in its early stages of development, a cast list is still almost completed for the film, tentatively titled “Star: The Trek to War.” “Our cast is phenomonal,” says the Paramount exec. “We have William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Harrison Ford, Mark Hammil and Carrie Lucas all locked up. Unfortunately, we were unable to get Billy Dee Williams to reprise his role as Lando Callrisian, so he will be replaced by Don Cheadle.”

The plot for the film is still a highly guarded secret, but leaked details indicate that the Starship Enterprise accidentally travels through a wormhole, and ends up in the part of the universe where the Empire is still at war with the Rebellion. Thus, the crew of the Enterprise, led by Captain Kirk, must team up with Luke Skywalker and the rest of the Rebel crew to fight against their arch enemies, Darth Vader and Kahn Noonian Singh.

In addition to the casts of the original Star Wars film and Star Trek series, producers are also signing cast members from the prequel Star Wars films and the spinoff Star Trek series, including The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise. Thus, the film will feature appearances by characters like Jean Luc Picard, Obi Wan Kinobi, Geordi LaForge, Worf, Yoda, Anakin Skywalker, and Captain Johnathan Archer. “Some people may be confused as to how all these characters can all be in the same film, since they’re all from different time periods, or even how both Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader can both be in the film when they’re technically the same person, but JJ says he can explain it all with time travel and alternate dimensions and stuff, so we’re confident it’ll all make sense in the end.”

Along with the high stakes action, expect plenty of comedy, especially involving the meeting of the robots, or “droids,” in both series. “We know that Star Trek and Star Wars fans really enjoy the lighthearted comedy in both series most of all, which is why we have an extended sequence where Data and R2D2 and C3PO team up to search for space pirate treasure on the planet Naboo. It should be hilarious, and if fans are lucky, they might even run into Jar Jar Binks and a Tribble or two along the way!”

As for any backlash that may result from the respective fanbases of both Star Trek and Star Wars universes, who are not exactly on friendly terms with each other, studio execs are unfazed. “Once they’re in the theaters and seeing Captain Kirk and Han Solo in the big fight scene, any qualms they might have will disappear, watching those two 70-year-old men rolling around on the ground with each other.”

Though a release date has yet to be announced, behind-the-scene parties hope to have the film completed by late 2012. “You now, just in case any of that Mayan stuff ends up being accurate.”

So there you have it. Prepare to have your childhood blasted in the face by a light saber AND a phaser. At the same time! IN 3D! Excellent work once again, Hollywood.

I guess it still can’t be any worse than Clone Wars.