Us blue-eyed people, we’re special. Even science says so. So, unless you don’t believe in science (I’m talking to YOU, Kansas) you can no longer contend that I am not special.

Scientists have discovered that, initially, all humans had brown eyes. It was a genetic mutation that caused blue eyes to first appear.

I have a pair of striking blue eyes. Well, they may not be striking, but they’re sure as hell cooler than those boring brown eyes you’ve got. So there.

According to these scientists, this mutation first occurred about 6000-10,000 years ago, which is pretty recent, big picture-wise. That means that I can trace my familial roots back to a region just North of Afghanistan while the rest of you have to be content with knowing that some random hominid who ambled out of Africa hundreds of thousands of years ago is your great-great-great-great-great-great-great (you get the point) grandpappy or grandmammy.

So, compared to all you brown-eyed folk, I’m special. I’m more advanced that you are, which means that I’m one more step removed from the apes. I am your superior. It’s only a matter of time before we achieve dominion over all the world!

Bow down before me, brown eyed-ones! Mwhahahahahahahaha!!!!!