I have a question that I need answered, but before you can help me, I’ll need you to read this first.

Dane Cook breaks comedy endurance record

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Dane Cook broke a Laugh Factory endurance record set less than a month ago by Dave Chappelle.

n what is becoming a heated battle between the two comedians, Cook told jokes at the Sunset Strip comedy club for 7 hours, beating the record Chappelle, 34, set at 6 hours and 12 minutes in December.

Cook went on stage Tuesday and continued until nearly 7 a.m. Wednesday, and at one point even sent out for food to keep the audience fed and happy.

“If this rivalry keeps up I’m going to turn the Laugh Factory into a bed and breakfast,” club owner Jamie Masada said.

Last April, Cook set a record with an act lasting 3 hours and 50 minutes, breaking a mark set by Richard Pryor in 1980 of 2 hours and 41 minutes. Chappelle broke the record later that month, then broke his own record in December.

Okay, so now here’s my question. On a scale of one to nine, at exactly what circle of Hell in Dante’s Inferno would you place seven hours of Dane Cook doing cartwheels, screaming into a microphone, and ripping off jokes from other, better comedians? My initial inclination is in Circle 8, but I may be being too generous.

I don’t know who was in this particular audience, but I admire them for their restraint. I can only assume that somewhere around the fifth hour, I probably would’ve been onstage trying to see how far down his throat I could get the microphone. One can only imagine that the reason that no one else did is because they were probably paralyzed from the neck down at that point.

Say a prayer tonight before you go to bed that Carrot Top doesn’t get in on this shit.