Good Lord, you would’ve thought this would’ve been the end of it.

One would think that after not one, but two on-air apologies to Sarah Palin, David Letterman would finally be off the hook, especially considering that Palin accepted his apology. You would think that. But the problem being, the only thing on this planet stupider than a Palin is a Palin supporter. So guess what’s still happening?

Yup, that’s right. Not having nearly quenched their thirst for David Letterman’s blood, hundreds of thousands tens of thousands thousands hundreds a gentleman’s dozen of Palin’s supporters took to the streets to demand that CBS give Letterman the Dan Rather treatment. Which, since it worked the first time, is guaranteed to work every single time they try it. It’s a scientific fact, you know.

Hey, quick question. Since when did we as a nation start caring about the opinions of the angry adult retards amongst us? Do you want any of these rage-mongers making personnel decisions at any of your places of business? Hell, I wouldn’t ask any one of them for advice on how to tie my shoe. I happen to like not tripping.

In case you were like most and only made it about fifteen seconds into the video before you started musing about how awesome it would be if you could keep kicking yourself in the forehead past the point of blacking out, I’ll go ahead and pick out some of my favorite lines.

“Should we talk about his son? I believe his son was born out of wedlock. I believe there’s a term for that.”

Yup, there sure is. A Tripp Palin.

“Is someone making jokes about his child? Especially, you know, when he had a daughter out of wedlock himself.”

Hey, thanks for making that connection. Only problem being, Letterman actually married the mother of his child. When exactly can we expect the big Levi/Bristol wedding to take place? I still haven’t gotten my invite, but I guess I’ll keep waiting.

Incidentally, Letterman had a son, not a daughter. But hey, knowing stuff is for queers.

“Everyone in the country is very, very frustrated and upset that he was allowed to make a rape joke about a 14-year-old girl sitting on the sidelines at an American basketball game.”

It’s true. Every single person in the country is frustrated and upset about Letterman’s awful rape jokes. And that’s why we, the entirety of the American populace, chose these fifteen people to be our representatives to protest at the Letterman taping. Because we all had better shit to do.

Also, the Yankees play baseball, not basketball. I’m beginning to sense a trend here.

“How dare he? When he has a bastard son, and a slut for a wife.”

Glad to see they’ve chosen to take the moral high ground on this one.

“At least Jay Leno had interesting people; this schmuck has nobody! You know what ’schmuck’ means in Jewish?”

Only someone regularly entertained by the comedic brilliance of “Jay Walking” and “Wacky Newspaper Headlines” could possibly think that someone needed to be explained what the word “schmuck” means. No, angry white woman. Please explain to me what your strange monosyllabic insults mean. I was far too busy eating my shoe to fully appreciate your creative word play.

“Close the borders!  Close everything down for twenty years, clean your house, and you’ll see how this economy will come back.”

I think I love this woman. It’s like she has rage ADD. “Fire Dave! Fire Dave! Fire Dave! Close the borders! No more taxes! Four more years! I like pudding! Stay off my yard!” For God’s sake, woman, focus!

“Keep children safe from David Letterman’s mouth!  He will rape them with his mouth!”

Words fail.

Despite my tomfoolery, it’s quite obvious that this band of merry rage monkeys will eventually get their way. Mark my words, David Letterman will eventually be fired. Because everything these people put their minds to, they eventually get. That’s why John McCain is President right now. Because eventually, angry uneducated old people will always get what they want.

It’s been a good run, Dave. But in the end, you can’t possibly compete with these people. America, meet your new comedians. Try as you might, it’s impossible not to laugh at them.