President Obama spoke this morning about the dire business that is our sputtering auto industry. The head of General Motors was asked to step down and Italian auto company, Fiat, has been brought in to help Chrysler stay solvent. But, the real stunner came when the President announced that the entire state of Michigan has been sold at a loss to Canada.
“Times are tough and there are no easy decisions when it comes to the American people. So, to ease the burden on the rest of the states and on myself and my economic team, I have made the decision to sell Michigan to Canada for $10 billion dollars, a lifetime supply of Molson and the rights to Alex Trebek.” the President announced, “This is a new way forward for our nation. At a time when we all have to tighten our belts on our individual budgets, the country as a whole cannot be expected to stand on the sidelines. That is why this decision has been made. And we will move forward as a more tightly united 49 states.”
Tough times indeed call for tough action, and they don’t get much tougher than this, losing an entire state. But, with Michigan’s entire economy in freefall with the decline of the once vital auto industry, it’s a decision that makes sense. Of course, this starts the slippery slope toward the selling of other unprofitable states.
Canada has embraced their acquisition of Michigan with gusto, already starting re-education classes for older adults in French and on the metric system. Everyone in Michigan has already been mailed Canadian driver’s licenses along with charts explaining Canadian currency and essays extolling the benefits of eating french fries with gravy, instead of ketchup. The Canadian government has also already sent out a task force to go around to each of their new residents and tell them how glad they are to see them.
The Detroit Lions will be absorbed into the Canadian Football League starting with the upcoming season, while the Pistons will be converted wholesale into another hockey team. The Detriot Red Wings will be relocated to Yellowknife, in the Yukon Territory and renamed the Polar Bears. The University of Michigan will be renamed the Queen’s University, but will keep the Wolverine as their mascot.
Residents of Michigan are said to be stunned, but mildly curious about becoming Canadian. Ohio residents are reportedly upset that they will now have to bear the brunt of vacationing Canadians in their parks and Walmart parking lots.
