A recent move to a new apartment has brought me the most valuable natural resource known to modern man, that being free cable. Ever since I’ve come upon this geyser of liquid viewing pleasure I can’t seem to take my eyes off of the twenty four hour news networks. It continually astounds me that there is enough news to report on to fill a full day. I haven’t yet found a “favorite” channel quite yet although I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that Headline News is the most unbelievably invaluable station I’ve ever seen on television. I was not (until recently) fully able to comprehend just exactly how many times you could report “current events” in a single show but “anchorwoman” Nancy Grace (yes, THE Nancy Grace, with her televangelists wife-esque blond hair taking up what meager shred of screen hasn’t been taken up by various news tickers, running her ear-splitting little mouth off) has opened my eyes and proven that indeed you can report on current events for the enitiritey of a news show, which in her case appears to be on an indefinite programming schedual. To my amazement, after watching her show it seems the only news Ms. Grace reports on is missing children, or a missing child, I’m not sure, small children all look alike. I digress, Headline News is in essence, everything that the average American could ask for in a news station. Little kids are missing my fellow God-fearing patriots, and as long as they are cute and caucasian we need to be informed about their lack of whereabouts. I for one, have to applaud Nancy and her tireless reporting on little Samantha, or whatever they name little girls these days. Maybe with her help I’ll spot the little bastard on the streets. We should all hope to be so vigilant as Nance. I love her.