One of the things I forgot to write about during the election when I was all caught up in all my hilarious liberal hysteria and HOW MUCH I HATE JOHN MCCAIN was that I bought a fancy new iPod Touch 2G. If you’re unfamiliar with what an iPod Touch is, it’s an iPhone without a phone. If you’re unfamiliar with what an iPhone is, it’s what Nate uses to justify his existence.

So since I have nothing else to write about, here’s my thoughts on my new best friend.

• For the second generation iPod Touch, Steve Jobs was thoughtful enough to include an external speaker, a volume toggle on the side, and a shiny chrome border (which I have already scuffed by dropping it on the sidewalk). So if you are one of the unfortunate souls who currently own a first generation iPod Touch, all I can say is I’m sorry things didn’t turn out better for you in life.

• They call it an iPod Touch, but an equally relevent title would be an iPod Constantly Coated In Finger Grease.

• Another added feature is a built-in Nike + iPod interface where, if you have a chip in your Nike shoes, you can keep track of your time, distance, pace and calories burned while running. I can almost guarantee I will never use this feature.

• In the commercials for the new iPod Touch, it is referred to as “the funnest iPod ever.” This is not because the iPod Touch has hundreds of games and apps available for download. Rather, it is because the Apple Corporation hates correct grammar.

• Also, that song refuses to leave my head.

• This iPod Touch 2G has an improved battery life over the iPod Touch 1G, which is now capable of playing up to 2 hours of music or 9 minutes of video (in a row!) before needing to be recharged. With the included USB cord, I am afforded a number of interesting recharging options that a boring old “plug into a wall socket” cord couldn’t possibly provide me. For instance, I can recharge it on either my Mac Mini at home or my Mac Mini at work, and have it synch back and forth between my work and home music libraries in a “My Own Worst Enemy” crazy person kind of way. I can charge it on my Wii, where it has yet to attempt to install iTunes onto, but I’m sure it’s currently plotting a way to do so. Or I can charge it on my Dell laptop, where it for some reason will, upon completion, reset the date on the iPod to August 29th at 5:35 am. This is a strange glitch, and I can only hope that Apple will one day use it as the basis for one of their hilarious Mac/PC advertisements.

• Speaking of glitches, my iPod’s Safari browser crashes on average 5.7 times daily. I had long wondered how long it would be before I could have the convenience of an Internet browser shutting down at random intervals everywhere I went. Now, it’s like I’m living in The Jetsons.

• Some of my favorite games on the iPod Touch are Tap Tap Revenge, PAC-MAN Lite, Sol Free Solitaire and FSS Air Hockey. Some of my least favorite included Volume Accidently Left All The Way Up On The Headphones and Random Electrical Shock.

• One of my downloaded apps is Tiny Violin. It is, in fact, a tiny violin that I can play tiny violin songs on. Without hyperbole, it is the greatest invention known to man for sarcastic pricks like me.

I have many other thoughts to share, but my battery is just about to die. You mean to tell me it’s been 20 minutes already? Blarg!

Sent from my iPod.