There are billions of dollars spent every year on diets, weight loss clubs, and gym memberships that all swear they can help you fit into your skinny jeans.
I’ll give you everything you need for free. Why? Because I’m a humanitarian and because I think it’s stupid to pay to get rid of anything.
- Only buy food you marginally like. Preferably the cheapest forms of that food. Do you love chocolate? Then go buy all that chocolate at the dollar store. You can’t eat very much of the waxy, plastic-tasting chocolate imported from Mexico and labeled as “Chokolot”. Better yet, got for the 10 for a dollar chocolate bars from China that taste like cardboard.
- Quit your job. You won’t have money or access to fast food. Being jobless, you will need to reevaluate exactly what you need to survive. Chances are, it won’t include milk shakes at 10 pm every night.
- Since eating is primarily a social event, tell all your family and friends to piss off. Tell them that they smell like rotting Wal-Mart greeters in a heat wave and that you think they are all stupid. Removing the social situations removes the food in those social situations.
Done. There’s the Captain Not 3 step diet plan guaranteed to make you lose weight AND save you money.
