The Academy Awards announced a while back that they were going to open up the number of Best Picture nominees from five up to ten this year. When this was announced, a lot of people got excited that finally some movies that deserved to be nominated, like last year’s WALL-E and The Dark Knight, might finally get nominations. For all those who believed that, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re kidding yourself. If you want to know why, take one look at the Emmy nominations from yesterday. They opened up the Best Comedy and Best Drama nominees to seven, and guess who got a nomination?

Fucking Family Guy.

So, since that’s the way things are, here’s my best guess for the ten nominees for Best Picture this year:

1. Transformers 2
2. Wolverine
3. Terminator: Salvation
4. That one movie with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz in it
5. Fast & Furious
6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop
7. Hotel for Dogs
8. The Pink Panther 2
9. Hannah Montana: The Movie
10. Whatever movies The Rock’s ever been in

Cross your fingers, Michael Bay. I think this is gonna be your year, dude.

So all day long, all I’ve been hearing is how Family Guy is the first animated show to be nominated for Best Comedy since The Flintstones in 1961. Think about that for a tick. Family Guy. Not The Simpsons. Not South Park. Not Futurama or Venture Bros. or King of the Hill or Samurai Jack or Justice League or Space Ghost: Coast to Coast or Ren & Stimpy or Aeon Flux or even goddamn Beavis & Butthead. Fucking Family Guy. Lame, lazy, shameless Simpsons ripoff, non sequitur humor-driven Family Guy. Wow. We should all be so proud as a species.

But let’s forget about the fact that this is a big ol’ middle finger from the Emmy voters right in Matt Groening’s fat face. Let’s take a look at this from the prospective of all the other shows nominated for Best Comedy. How do you think the people who make 30 Rock or The Office or Weeds or Flight of the Concords feel about the fact that they’re competing against Family Guy and Entourage? It’s like Carl Owens running a foot race against Stephen Hawking. You think he’d feel good after he won? Yeah, probably, but come on. FUCKING FAMILY GUY?!

I seriously need some better shit to get upset over.

Anyways, hooray for Family Guy and its now Emmy award-nominated mediocrity. I can hardly wait until Seth MacFarlane uses this as inspiration to make even more lameass Family Guy clone shows, because it’s the only goddamn idea he’s ever had and God knows we don’t have enough Family Guy already. I look forward to a future of nothing but Family Guy. Family Guy. Family Guy. We deserve what we have coming.

This is how it all ends. With fucking Family Guy. The Aztecs were right all along.