I know what you’re thinking. You’ve been wondering where I’ve been, counting down the days since last I wrote a blog. What’s it been, like two or three months? Something like that. Anyway, I can explain everything. Here’s what happened.

Sometime a while back, I had an idea. An ambitious idea. I was going to write The Longest Blog Post Ever Written. Not really knowing how long the existing Longest Blog Post Ever Written was, and not knowing where to look to discover this info, I decided there was only one safe way to claim the title of The Longest Blog Post Ever Written – to write an entry so long that no other post could possibly be as long.

So for 28 consecutive days, I wrote in one continuous string, not stopping for sleep or food or, at certain points, even to breathe. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote, each day my beard getting longer and longer until it eventually grew so long that it folded atop my keyboard in a comical fashion. I wrote a post so long that the scroll bar on this page stretched somewhere around eighteen feet. I wrote so much that I wore 2/5th of an inch from each finger. I covered every subject I could think of – music, movies, politics, religion, biographical details of my life and times in the second through third grades, food reviews, detailed descriptions of my socks, a detailed thesis on William Faulkner’s seminal novel Light In August, a psychological profile of Britney Spears’ children, a fully thought out and researched explanation of the meaning of life and two separate accounts of the time I met Tom Selleck (For those who don’t know, he’s a really nice guy). It was glorious. It was awe-inspiring. It was, with absolutely no hyperbole whatsoever, THE LONGEST BLOG POST EVER WRITTEN.

And then I accidentally deleted it when I bumped into my mouse with my elbow and closed my browser window.

So that’s why I haven’t blogged for a while. Because I was writing The Longest Blog Post Ever Written. Which makes this post that you are reading A Tribute To The Longest Blog Post Ever Written. It is, itself, not The Longest Blog Post Ever Written, because as you can clearly see, it’s actually rather short. That’s because it’s A Tribute To The Longest Blog Post Ever Written. Also, it’s kind of a rip-off of a Tenacious D song. But that’s what happens when you write The Longest Blog Post Ever Written for four weeks straight and then accidentally delete it. It makes you slightly crazy and kind of a plagiarist.

Also, here’s a monkey washing a kitty. I hope we can be friends again someday.