Conservative busted trying to have sex. WITH A WOMAN!

Who could’ve ever predicted that a kid whose “career” began with him dressing up as a cartoon pimp would end up becoming a national embarrassment?

You may remember me telling that tale of James O’Keefe, Super Genius, a time or two before. And I swear to God, I could just write blog posts about this kid from here until forever and still have a pretty productive career, that’s how much this kid keeps fucking up. He is a never-ending font of dumbassedry. In fact, I’m doing just that. NEW RULE: No more blog posts unless they’re about James O’Keefe. Absolutely no exceptions.

So fresh off the success of his last caper, where he definitively proved that Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu had phone lines in her office by dressing up like what he thinks phone repairmen look like, subterfuging into her office and promptly getting arrested, he hatched himself a new scheme. See, CNN was doing a documentary on conservative activists, so naturally they called Jimmy O’Keefe, cause him and his gang of scoundrels shut down ACORN, dontcha know. Which would’ve been pretty good publicity for the kid, but it turns out that the conservatives don’t much care for CNN, what with the socialism and all. So Jimmy thinks to himself, “Hmm, what outrageous scheme can I concoct now to show everyone how super smart I am? Ooooh, I know!

A conservative activist known for making undercover videos plotted to embarrass a CNN correspondent by recording a meeting on hidden cameras aboard a floating “palace of pleasure” and making sexually suggestive comments, e-mails and a planning document show.

Genius!

For months, CNN had been following a group of young conservative activists, including Christian Hartsock, the director of the music video. The activists will be featured in a documentary, “Right On The Edge,” that will air October 2 and 3.

Hartsock said O’Keefe did not want CNN to shoot on the set of the music video, but said he would encourage O’Keefe to call CNN to discuss the request.

O’Keefe called Boudreau on August 10. During the conversation, he said he preferred that Boudreau meet him in person in Maryland and asked that she come alone.

“I just want to talk,” O’Keefe told Boudreau on the phone. “I just want to have a, you know, meeting with you, and talk to you face to face about this. Because, I don’t, I feel sort of, let’s just say reserved about, about letting people into my sort of inner sanctum, about letting, letting people sort of take a glimpse into, into, behind the scenes, so …

Because I am a kind man at heart, I’m going to go ahead and cut off this quote right here so it can do no further damage to your brain. You’re welcome, by the way.

Boudreau flew to Baltimore, Maryland, on August 17, rented a car, and drove to suburban Lusby, where O’Keefe wanted to meet. O’Keefe sent a text message to Boudreau that morning, saying that Santa would meet her when she got there.

Holy crap, now we have Santa Claus involved in this too? HOW IS THIS STORY NOT WINNING PULITZERS AS WE SPEAK?

When Boudreau arrived at the address, a house located on a tributary of the Patuxent River, Santa approached her with a tape recorder in her hand and said she wanted to talk in the car, Boudreau said.

“I noticed she had a little bit of dirt on her face, her lip was shaking, she seemed really uncomfortable and I asked her if she was OK,” Boudreau said. “The first thing she basically said to me was, ‘I’m not recording you, I’m not recording you. Are you recording me?’ I said, ‘No, I’m not recording you,’ and she showed me her digital recorder and it was not recording.”

James O’Keefe was beating Santa Claus? This guy is history’s greatest monster.

Santa told Boudreau that O’Keefe planned to “punk” her by getting on a boat where hidden cameras were set up. Boudreau said she would not get on the boat and asked Santa why O’Keefe wanted her there.

“Izzy told me that James was going to be dressed up and have strawberries and champagne on the boat, and he was going to hit on me the whole time,” Boudreau said.

Okay, so now we know about everything we need to know about James O’Keefe’s caper, thanks to everybody’s favorite snitch, Santa. James O’Keefe’s basic plan was this: He would lure this CNN reporter onto his boat, have sex with her, then film it. Following this, he would send a video of himself having sex to CNN with a note that said, “I had sex with your reporter. CNN has to shut down now.” Or something. I’m not anywhere near as smart as Megamind Jimmy O’Keefe, so I can’t really say how this was supposed to play out. Maybe I need more details.

Boudreau ended the meeting and left. After the incident, Santa gave CNN a series of e-mails she says shows O’Keefe intended to try to embarrass both the network and Boudreau through an elaborate plan.

The day of the meeting, she wrote to someone she described as a financial donor to Project Veritas. She would not identify the individual.

“I have a problem on my hands that I think has the potential for unnecessary backlash,” Santa wrote. “Today, James is meeting with a CNN correspondent today on his boat. She is doing a piece on the movement of young conservative filmmakers.

“She doesn’t know she is getting on a boat but rather James’ office. James has staged the boat to be a palace of pleasure with all sorts of props, wants to have a bizarre sexual conversation with her. He wants to gag CNN.”

Gag CNN? No. Gag their reporter? Yeah, more than likely.

She wrote that “the idea is incredibly bad” and “the more I think about it we should not be doing this.”

O’Keefe had also instructed Santa to print a “pleasure palace graphic” on a large poster, according to an e-mail.

Because, as everyone knows, it’s not a real pleasure palace unless you have a banner made up that says “Pleasure Palace” hung up on the wall. You’re stupid for having thought otherwise.

CNN later obtained a copy of a 13-page document titled “CNN Caper,” which appears to describe O’Keefe’s detailed plans for that day.

“The plans appeared so outlandish and so juvenile in tone, I questioned whether it was part of a second attempted punk,” Boudreau said.

Ha! Showed you, lamestream media! We really are that dumb!

But in a phone conversation, Santa confirmed the document was authentic. Listed under “equipment needed,” is “hidden cams on the boat,” and a “tripod and overt recorder near the bed, an obvious sex tape machine.”

Among the props listed were a “condom jar, dildos, posters and paintings of naked women, fuzzy handcuffs” and a blindfold.

Shaking off snark for just a second, Good Lord, James O’Keefe is not just a dick, he is a really creepy dick. And fuzzy handcuffs? Dildos? A condom jar? Was this a seduction or a bachelorette party from the mid-1980s?

According to the document, O’Keefe was to record a video of the following script before Boudreau arrived: “My name is James. I work in video activism and journalism. I’ve been approached by CNN for an interview where I know what their angle is: they want to portray me and my friends as crazies, as non-journalists, as unprofessional and likely as homophobes, racists or bigots of some sort….

“Instead, I’ve decided to have a little fun. Instead of giving her a serious interview, I’m going to punk CNN. Abbie has been trying to seduce me to use me, in order to spin a lie about me. So, I’m going to seduce her, on camera, to use her for a video. This bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who comes on at five will get a taste of her own medicine, she’ll get seduced on camera and you’ll get to see the awkwardness and the aftermath.

See, here’s where we finally see what’s going on here. This really has nothing to do with “punking” CNN or exposing the lamestream media or any of that. What’s really happening is that CNN reporter was totally seducing James O’Keefe. And who can blame her? Just look at the guy!

Pure sexual magnetism there. This is a guy who definitely does not by any means have a face that resembles the puckered asshole of a rat. That reporter wanted James O’Keefe so goddamn badly, so once James lured her onto his Love Boat, it was really just a matter of how many times they’d have sex. And on video. Then, and here’s where the plot all comes together, James could’ve totally run onto FOX News and shown the whole world that he, James O’Keefe, totally had sex with a woman.

Way to go, Jimmy. Way to not completely fucking embarrass yourself yet again. Meet your new conservative Michael Moore, people. He’s not fat. Just retarded.

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