If you’ve been on the Internet at all in the last couple months (which I realize is an iffy proposition. Yuck. Internet usage. Am I right?), you might have heard the story of a children’s book being released called Go the F*ck to Sleep. No, I’m not joking. That is an actual children’s book that you are actually able to purchase with your actual monetary funds in the very actual present. The book is originally based off a joke made in a Facebook post by the author, because of course it is. And now, a book idea based off a one-off joke made on a social networking site is already a New York Times #1 Bestseller, and it wasn’t even supposed to be released until October.
Now, having read all that, I predict that at one point, you thought to yourself, “You know who they should get to do the audio book for that? Samuel L. Jackson.” First off, very funny joke, reader! Maybe you should be the one writing this blog and I should be the one reading it. Second, yes, of course Samuel L. Jackson did the audio book of Go the F*ck to Sleep. Better yet, it’s out now. Better better yet, it’s free. Better than all things ever yet, you can download it right here, right now by clicking here. Or here. Okay, here too.
Now, to review, as a nation we have a popular children’s book called Go the F*ck to Sleep, a popular Cee Lo Green song called F*ck You, and a popular CBS sitcom called Sh*t My Dad Says. Does this mean we’ve turned a corner in our nation’s history and finally gotten over our collective fear of horrible, terrible, nasty curse words? Haha, of course not! Didn’t you see all the asterisks in those titles? Those were in there because if they weren’t, there was no way on earth any of those pieces of popular art would have ever seen the light of day. So even though you know full well what the word is supposed to be, and you’ve most certainly heard other people and yourself use that same word many times in the past, we still need to remove some of the letters so you won’t be exposed to the awful filthiness of a few letters arranged in a certain matter to make a word that makes the olds uncomfortable. Change! Hope!
Look, I get it. You don’t want the swear words being used because you don’t want your kids exposed to the swearing. I’m a father, so I understand. But even as we speak, my daughter is sitting right next to me and just told me, “Daddy, why the fuck did you put bananas in my fucking corn flakes? You know I hate that shit.” Okay, she didn’t really just say that. But she was thinking it. Point being, you want your kids protected from the awful vulgarities up until they turn twelve, maybe thirteen, at which point they can go nuts for all you care, just as long as they don’t do it in front of you. So we keep the kids away from swearing up until they’re old enough that we can’t stop them anymore, at which point they start swearing like the rest of us regular human beings. Makes sense, right? Kids can’t swear until they can, and in the meantime, no interrupting my episode of NCIS with the corpses being cut in half with your awful cuss words.
I’m just saying nothing makes any fucking sense to me. That’s all I’m saying.
You know what day it is today, right? You don’t? It’s only the most important day in the history of all days. This is the day you will tell your children about, and they will tell their children about, and they will tell their children about, and so on and so forth until the zombie monkey apocalypse of 2113. This is a day that towers above all days before and yet to come.
Today, America, is the day your best friend comes home. Today is the day Jay Leno returns.
That’s right, kids. The big harmless marshmallow man is coming home to lull you gently to sleep each night with his generic, non-offensive comedy. No more of this crap of having to choose between watching The Mentalist or Jay. Now you just have to leave your TV running after your late local news and you can mildly titter your way to sleep each and every night with Headlines, Jaywalking, and all of the other NBC focus group approved comedy bits of Jay Leno every Monday through Friday. Glee!
Now assuming you have had your head buried in a pile of sand in your backyard for the last 365 days and this is the first you’re hearing of any of this, you’re wondering to yourself how this can be possible. Where has Jay Leno gone to? Why is he coming back? Well, see, it’s like this. Slightly less than a year ago, moderate talent Jay Leno gave up the Tonight Show after 17 mostly mediocre years, because NBC nicely asked him if he would. Not wanting to rock the boat, Leno agreed to do this, because he’s America’s Nicest Man. As a reward, NBC decided they’d give him his own prime time show. Again, Leno agreed, because he is both nice and not terribly intelligent. Like most people you know!
In September of last year, The Jay Leno Show debuted at 9:00 Central Time each and every weekday night. It was a huge success! For exactly one day. After that, it was a terrible, horrific failure. In the meantime, Leno’s former Tonight Show was taken over by Conan O’Brien, a superior talent who had diligently worked as the host of Late Night following the Tonight Show for 16 years prior. This was also a big hit at the beginning, and less so afterwards. But this was in late night, where viewing habits are usually deeply ingrained in viewers and a certain amount of patience are required for a show to become a hit. For instance, it had taken horrific prime time failure Jay Leno a whole three years before his ratings had risen from godawful to better than David Letterman levels. So Conan O’Brien was plugging away determinedly, building his own audience from the ground up and gradually improving.
Meanwhile, mediocre comedian Jay Leno was in prime time, a segment of television which is a bit more demanding, where you either become a hit as quickly as you can or you find yourself unemployed. Jay Leno was doing the latter. In fact, Jay Leno was doing so terribly that he was almost single-handedly sinking an entire network. Local news programs saw their ratings sink nearly as much as half of their previous levels, thanks to the atrocious lead-in of prime time bomb The Jay Leno Show. Affiliates were fuming, and threatening to revolt if NBC did not act immediately to remove prime time cancer Jay Leno from the schedule immediately. NBC executives heard their cry, and they knew they would have to act in a way that would satiate the network affiliates while also ensuring the long-term health of both their prime time and late night lineups.
After much deliberations, they came upon the ideal solution: fire Jay Leno. And then they did the opposite.
Now in most work settings, if you were promoted to a new level within your work place that carried with it new responsibilities and higher expectations and you responded to it with complete and utter failure, you would expect to pay a price for your having failed at your duties. Not if you work at NBC and (this is the crucial part) your name is Jay Leno. If that’s the case, then you are to now be rewarded for having been a screwup. So it was that NBC decided they would move Not Ready For Prime Time Player Jay Leno back to 10:35pm Central Time, while bumping Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show to 11:05pm and failed movie star Jimmy Fallon to 12:05pm. Conan O’Brien, being a Harvard educated man and smarter than your average bear, noticed that this was a dumbass idea and bolted, taking $45 million with him, because that is the price you pay when you are a network like NBC and you are so damn stupid. With Conan gone, NBC decided that the new host for the future of the Tonight Show would be 60-year-old Jay Leno, who now will likely host the Tonight Show until he drops dead at his desk, probably from that horrific tumor growing out of his face most people mistake for a chin.
So that’s where we are today, preparing for the arrival of the new Tonight Show with Jay Leno, which airs for the first time tonight. But before you have a panic attack at all the times I used the word “new” in that last sentence, settle down, Gertrude. Rest assured that despite this being a supposed “new” thing, there will be absolutely nothing new about the new Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Except that one-man laugh track Kevin Eubanks is leaving the program, probably after realizing that he’d be laughing at Jay Leno jokes from here to perpetuity, and settled on resignation of his position over jumping out of a building. But the chances are good that Leno will be able to find another guitar player somewhere willing to fake laugh for sixty minutes every night and everything will go back to exactly how it used to be – me watching Letterman every night.
Remember this day, people. Jay Leno is coming back today, after refusing to leave in the first place. This is a glorious day for the U.S. Finally, mediocre blandness triumphs over quality in pop culture, for once.
Journey with me back to the hallowed days of 2004. You may recall that was the year we were all doing a dance called the Funky Armadillo and a handful of horse feed was only a buck and a hay penny. But what also happened in that year I don’t remember all that well was a fellow by the name of Jay Leno who was, at the time, the host of the Tonight Show for some stupid reason, made an announcement that he was going to retire in the year 2009 and hand over the reins of the Tonight Show to Conan O’Brien. I still recall the day very well, sitting at the same desk that I’m sitting at right now, and the two thoughts I had that day: 1) You mean to tell me that in only five years, I can watch Conan at 10:30 each night and not have to ever see Jay Leno ever again? This is the greatest news ever! and 2) There is no way Jay Leno is retiring in five years.
I hate being right.
If I have to recap the late night situation for you, you either aren’t paying attention or you have your priorities straight and are paying more attention to the crisis in Haiti. If it’s the latter, bully. Please send them money. But either way, I don’t feel any pressing need to break down what’s happening. What I can say is this: There is only one good thing coming out of Conan O’Brien being forced out of the Tonight Show after only seven months and it is this: The world can finally see Jay Leno for the disingenuous piece of dog crap that he’s always been.
I think we can all agree that there is something seriously wrong in a world where Jay Leno can almost single-handedly destroy an entire network and Conan O’Brien is the one looking for a new job. And that’s the thing that should be mentioned in every single story on the subject of the Conan situation: This is all Jay Leno’s fault. He was the one who said five years ago, whether it was his idea or not, that he was leaving his job. He was the one who then undermined his replacement by agreeing to do a late night talk show in prime time. He was the one who, rather than provide the completely revamped show experience that he promised, instead delivered a watered-down, rearranged format of the same Tonight Show he’d been doing for the last seventeen years that nobody wanted to watch. And now, rather than accept the fact that he didn’t deliver, rather than live up to the promise he made five years ago, he is the one who has no shame whatsoever in going along with the idiot network executives’ idea to jam him back into late night, popular opinion be damned.
Jay Leno failed. And it’s Jay Leno who deserves to pay the price for that. Not Conan O’Brien, and not the people who work for Conan.
And on top of all that, besides Jay Leno being a weasel, a kiss-ass, and a generally despicable human being, he’s also apparently the world’s stupidest human being. Because only the world’s stupidest human being would have willingly walked right into this:
What you just witnessed there, if you didn’t know, was Jay Leno attempting to “put Jimmy Kimmel in has place” after Kimmel spent his entire show on Tuesday dressed up as Jay and ridiculing Jay. Because Jay Leno feels he needs to do that, being the king of late night and all. Gotta keep the peasants in their place. So there was Jay Leno getting Kimmel back, by letting him come onto his failed prime time show and ridicule him and his inability to sire children to his face while his own audience laughed at him. Sure showed him, didn’t you, Jay?
Here’s hoping Leno gets Letterman to fall in line by having Dave fly to L.A. and punch him in the balls repeatedly.
But here we are, it’s 1992 all over again and Jay Leno is doing the only thing that he’s ever really been any good at – stealing the Tonight Show from someone else more deserving. But to what ends? I just finished talking to my co-worker, the one who loves Leno and hates Conan, and even he doesn’t know what Leno’s game is here. Why take back the Tonight Show when he already walked away from it on top? Is it for his legacy? Can’t be that. This whole disaster is now Leno’s legacy. Is it for the money? He doesn’t need it. He has more money than God or Oprah. So why does Leno willingly make himself America’s most hated monster? Chances are you shouldn’t take my opinion on it, but here it is anyway. Despite all of Leno’s success as Tonight Show host, he still does not hold a candle on the legacy of Johnny Carson. And I don’t think Leno wants to have both his predecessor and his successor end up being more successful than he was. So what’s a guy to do to ensure he doesn’t go down in history as the Tonight Show’s crappiest host? I’ll show you.
Meet your new Tonight Show host, circa 2015 when Leno drops dead behind his desk. Give him one thing, Leno may be a prick, but he’s one sadistic evil genius of a prick.
So, yeah, I don’t like Jay Leno. Which is fine because now, thanks to Jay Leno’s massive ego, nobody else likes him either. And now Conan can move from the fourth place network to the first and maybe even bring back the Masturbating Bear, Letterman can get one last chance to knock Leno on his ass before he retires, and thanks to the dynamite comedic teaming of Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon, I never have to watch NBC ever again. When you think about it that way, everybody’s a winner. Except Jay Leno. Which is just the way things should be.
This is, quite literally, with no hyperbole whatsoever, the day you have been waiting for your entire life. The 2009 Prime Time Emmy Awards. Presented in liveblog form, for the socially impaired. Just hit the Play button below and follow along with tonight’s proceedings, or join in if you’re desperate for human contact. Or just stare on in uncomfortable silence. Whatever floats your boat there, Chucky.
This Sunday, all the TV show people will be getting together and giving each other gold statues to show how much they care for each other. If you’re not doing anything else, you can follow the proceedings here at the Sod, where we will be desperately hoping against hope that Kanye will jump up onstage to snatch the microphone out of Tina Fey’s hand to tell everyone how Entourage is one of the greatest shows of all time. That, and there’ll be free drinks!*
The Academy Awards announced a while back that they were going to open up the number of Best Picture nominees from five up to ten this year. When this was announced, a lot of people got excited that finally some movies that deserved to be nominated, like last year’s WALL-E and The Dark Knight, might finally get nominations. For all those who believed that, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re kidding yourself. If you want to know why, take one look at the Emmy nominations from yesterday. They opened up the Best Comedy and Best Drama nominees to seven, and guess who got a nomination?
Fucking Family Guy.
So, since that’s the way things are, here’s my best guess for the ten nominees for Best Picture this year:
1. Transformers 2
3. Terminator: Salvation
4. That one movie with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz in it
5. Fast & Furious
6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop
7. Hotel for Dogs
8. The Pink Panther 2
9. Hannah Montana: The Movie
10. Whatever movies The Rock’s ever been in
Cross your fingers, Michael Bay. I think this is gonna be your year, dude.
So all day long, all I’ve been hearing is how Family Guy is the first animated show to be nominated for Best Comedy since The Flintstones in 1961. Think about that for a tick. Family Guy. Not The Simpsons. Not South Park. Not Futurama or Venture Bros. or King of the Hill or Samurai Jack or Justice League or Space Ghost: Coast to Coast or Ren & Stimpy or Aeon Flux or even goddamn Beavis & Butthead. Fucking Family Guy. Lame, lazy, shameless Simpsons ripoff, non sequitur humor-driven Family Guy. Wow. We should all be so proud as a species.
But let’s forget about the fact that this is a big ol’ middle finger from the Emmy voters right in Matt Groening’s fat face. Let’s take a look at this from the prospective of all the other shows nominated for Best Comedy. How do you think the people who make 30 Rock or The Office or Weeds or Flight of the Concords feel about the fact that they’re competing against Family Guy and Entourage? It’s like Carl Owens running a foot race against Stephen Hawking. You think he’d feel good after he won? Yeah, probably, but come on. FUCKING FAMILY GUY?!
I seriously need some better shit to get upset over.
Anyways, hooray for Family Guy and its now Emmy award-nominated mediocrity. I can hardly wait until Seth MacFarlane uses this as inspiration to make evenmorelameass Family Guy clone shows, because it’s the only goddamn idea he’s ever had and God knows we don’t have enough Family Guy already. I look forward to a future of nothing but Family Guy. Family Guy. Family Guy. We deserve what we have coming.
This is how it all ends. With fucking Family Guy. The Aztecs were right all along.
A relatively insignificant politician, Pennsylvania State Sen. John Eichelberger (R), doesn’t like gay people. Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement. John Eichelberger doesn’t think that gay people should have the right to exist. Really.
During a radio debate a few weeks back, Eichelberger claimed that same sex marriage is dysfucntional and would lead to polygamy and the “marrying of younger people,” which I take to mean pederasty. Not surprisingly, he is sponsoring a Constitutional amendment to redefine marriage as specifically between a man and a woman. But what Eichelberger said about how gay men and women should be treated was more surprising, as it was a step farther than even the most vehement anti-gay activists will go in public.
We’re allowing them to exist, and do what every American can do. We’re just not rewarding them with any special designation.
“Allowing them to exist?” Like you’re going to one day stop allowing them to exist and just wipe them out? Hey, you there, yes, you, the guy making out with that dude there, stop that right now. You heard me. Get your hand out of his pants and place it under this attractive, Christian woman’s blouse. Come on…that’s just stupid.
In fact, if we’re allowing any group of people to exist, it’s bigots and social absolutists like Eichelberger. We pay attention to them, feeding their desperate need to be noticed and lending credence to their views and opinions. We have them on talk shows and radio programs to spout their hate-speech against minorities and gays and lesbians, exposing innumberable others to their points of view, and at least a few of those viewers and listeners use them to allow their inner hatreds out.
If we just stop paying attention to people like Eichelberger, they’ll go away. Remember that Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode when the giant advertising statues come to life and start ravaging the town? To get them to go away, Lisa teams up with an old jingle writer to pen a song called “Just Don’t Look,” pointing out that they’re just advertising symbols and that if you don’t pay attention, they’ll die. Well, that’s a pretty good lesson for this instance, as well. If you just don’t look at these people, they’ll slowly fade into the background and, eventually, die off.
People of my generation are among the most permissive and accepting of alternative lifestyles and alternative races and religions (if they believe in religion at all) yet, but we’re hampered in bringing about change in our society by the Baby Boomers and their ilk who still have enough of a hold on positions of power to influence public opinion. We’re inching closer and closer to the tipping point where the country will truly ours to mold into something better and more tolerant.
Until then, we need to stop paying attention to Eichelberger and other agents of intolerance and hate. We need to “just don’t look.” We need to stop allowing THEM to exist in our public lives, or else we’ll never move forward and start focusing on things that matter, instead of worrying about who our neighbors are sleeping with or getting married to.
To stop those monsters 1-2-3,
Here’s a fresh new way that’s trouble-free,
It’s got Paul Anka’s guarantee…
Guarantee void in Tennessee.
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
Just don’t look! Just don’t look!
Good Lord, you would’ve thought this would’ve been the end of it.
One would think that after not one, but two on-air apologies to Sarah Palin, David Letterman would finally be off the hook, especially considering that Palin accepted his apology. You would think that. But the problem being, the only thing on this planet stupider than a Palin is a Palin supporter. So guess what’s still happening?
Yup, that’s right. Not having nearly quenched their thirst for David Letterman’s blood, hundreds of thousandstens of thousandsthousandshundreds a gentleman’s dozen of Palin’s supporters took to the streets to demand that CBS give Letterman the Dan Rather treatment. Which, since it worked the first time, is guaranteed to work every single time they try it. It’s a scientific fact, you know.
Hey, quick question. Since when did we as a nation start caring about the opinions of the angry adult retards amongst us? Do you want any of these rage-mongers making personnel decisions at any of your places of business? Hell, I wouldn’t ask any one of them for advice on how to tie my shoe. I happen to like not tripping.
In case you were like most and only made it about fifteen seconds into the video before you started musing about how awesome it would be if you could keep kicking yourself in the forehead past the point of blacking out, I’ll go ahead and pick out some of my favorite lines.
“Should we talk about his son? I believe his son was born out of wedlock. I believe there’s a term for that.”
Yup, there sure is. A Tripp Palin.
“Is someone making jokes about his child? Especially, you know, when he had a daughter out of wedlock himself.”
Hey, thanks for making that connection. Only problem being, Letterman actually married the mother of his child. When exactly can we expect the big Levi/Bristol wedding to take place? I still haven’t gotten my invite, but I guess I’ll keep waiting.
Incidentally, Letterman had a son, not a daughter. But hey, knowing stuff is for queers.
“Everyone in the country is very, very frustrated and upset that he was allowed to make a rape joke about a 14-year-old girl sitting on the sidelines at an American basketball game.”
It’s true. Every single person in the country is frustrated and upset about Letterman’s awful rape jokes. And that’s why we, the entirety of the American populace, chose these fifteen people to be our representatives to protest at the Letterman taping. Because we all had better shit to do.
Also, the Yankees play baseball, not basketball. I’m beginning to sense a trend here.
“How dare he? When he has a bastard son, and a slut for a wife.”
Glad to see they’ve chosen to take the moral high ground on this one.
“At least Jay Leno had interesting people; this schmuck has nobody! You know what ’schmuck’ means in Jewish?”
Only someone regularly entertained by the comedic brilliance of “Jay Walking” and “Wacky Newspaper Headlines” could possibly think that someone needed to be explained what the word “schmuck” means. No, angry white woman. Please explain to me what your strange monosyllabic insults mean. I was far too busy eating my shoe to fully appreciate your creative word play.
“Close the borders! Close everything down for twenty years, clean your house, and you’ll see how this economy will come back.”
I think I love this woman. It’s like she has rage ADD. “Fire Dave! Fire Dave! Fire Dave! Close the borders! No more taxes! Four more years! I like pudding! Stay off my yard!” For God’s sake, woman, focus!
“Keep children safe from David Letterman’s mouth! He will rape them with his mouth!”
Despite my tomfoolery, it’s quite obvious that this band of merry rage monkeys will eventually get their way. Mark my words, David Letterman will eventually be fired. Because everything these people put their minds to, they eventually get. That’s why John McCain is President right now. Because eventually, angry uneducated old people will always get what they want.
It’s been a good run, Dave. But in the end, you can’t possibly compete with these people. America, meet your new comedians. Try as you might, it’s impossible not to laugh at them.
You’ll have to excuse me. I got to this high school cat fight a little late. I was in wood shop when someone ran in and told everyone that Sarah Palin and David Letterman were having it out on the quad. So, I ran all the way here from the wood shop building, let me catch my breath for a moment…
Okay. One of the sophomores that has been here from the start just filled me in. Here’s what went down: On Monday, Letterman made a joke about Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, getting “knocked up” by Alex Rodriguez at a Yankee Game. On Tuesday, Letterman continued the thread, joking that “the toughest part of her visit was keeping [former New York Gov.] Eliot Spitzer away from her daughter.”
Rightfully so, Palin responded that she was offended by Letterman’s crass jokes and claimed that he was making the jokes about her 14-year old, Tonka (or Track, or some silly-ass name), instead of about her 18-year old, Bristol, who was knocked up and had a child out of wedlock.
So, on Wednesday night, Letterman took seven minutes on his Late Show to apologize to Palin and her family, to insist that he was referring to Bristol and not the 14-year old Excursion (or Piper or Boeing), and to invite her and her husband, Todd, onto the show so that he could apologize in person.
End of story, right? Legendary Late Night host apologizes wholeheartedly and extends the olive branch. Any reasonable person would accept that and move on with their life, right? Not so fast, we’re talking about the Palins here. The next day, they released a statement that they wouldn’t accept the invitation to be on Letterman’s show and that “it would be wise to keep Willow(ed: the 14-year old) away from David Letterman.”
So, let’s go through a little exercise for a second here. Say that you’re Sarah Palin. You paraded your family as the paragon of American ideals during a failed campaign with John McCain, even when you’re oldest daughter was knocked up at the age of 17 by her knuckle-dragging boy toy. Instead of pushing your daughter back away from the spotlight shining on you, you decide to drag her around with you and somehow get her boy toy to propose marriage.
Later, after you lost the campaign and your daughter has given birth to a child out of wedlock, you continue to blather on about abstinence-only education for teens. Your single-mother of a daughter backs away from your statements and says that abstinence-only doesn’t work. Then, a few days later, she reverses course and becomes a spokesperson for abstinence-only education. Let me repeat that last one; an 18-year old single mother is a spokesperson for abstinence-only education.
So, let’s say that, after all of this, a late-night talk show host makes a few jokes about your daughter getting knocked up by a Yankee slugger and keeping her away from a known adulterer. Bad taste, sure, but certainly within bounds, since it was you who dragged your oldest daughter into the spotlight in the first place.
But, apparently Sarah Palin doesn’t understand hypocrisy. You can’t make your daughter famous in the eyes of America, allow her to grace the cover of People magazine (among others) and not expect someone to take a shot at her, whether in bad taste or no. That’s just stupid. Once she’s a public figure, she’s fair game. You can’t throw a high school hissy fit and insinuate that a venerated late night host like David Letterman, who is married and has a child of his own, is a pedophile and made those comments about the 14-year old daughter that no one knows or cares about.
Not only that, but you certainly can’t, after Letterman has publicly apologized, restate that Letterman can’t be trusted around 14-year old girls and state that he had contributed to “acceptance of abuse of young women.” This is not high school, Sarah Palin. You don’t get to keep talking shit about people after they have apologized to you, when they didn’t really have to in the first place. You especially don’t get to keep talking shit about someone who has more credibility in the eyes of the public than you do, is smarter than you, has a nightly talk show on which to lambaste you from now until forever, and is more of an adult than you appear to be.
This is not high school. This is not your small town, where you can bully people into believing you, or at least acquiescing to your point of view. You need to grow up or go home. I’d prefer the latter.
Oh, and one last thing; As someone who grew up in northern Minnesota, just down the road from the Arctic Cat headquarters and manufacturing center and who routinely went to bars and restaurants in the wintertime that had more Arctic Cat and Polaris parked out front than cars, I have to point out, once and for all- it’s SNOW MOBILE, not snow machine. You know what a snow machine actually is? This:
It’s a machine that makes snow. Not a machine that you ride on snow. That’s this:
Satisfying, isn’t it? I don’t normally watch the Tony Awards. It’s not exactly on my social calender, even though I enjoy plays and have seen a handful of musicals. I’ve even attended a performance of Romeo Hall and Juliet Oates, a Hall and Oates-tinged send-up of Shakespeare’s classic. Still, no Tony Awards for me. I was probably doing something very important at the time of the broadcast, like sorting socks or something.
So, imagine my surprise when I came across this clip. After the laughter subsided, my first question wasn’t “I wonder if Bret Michaels is okay?” it was “Why is Poison on the Tony Awards?” Of course, quickly followed by, “Is this that sign of the apocalypse that my nutty second-cousin has been telling me to watch for?”
Thankfully, it’s not a sign of the apocalypse (that we know of). But it certainly has to be some kind of karmic retribution against Bret Michaels as an individual and Poison as a group for their various misdeeds over the past 20+ years. I’m still not sure that I’ll ever fully forgive him for Native Tongue. Although this does kind of make up for that sex tape he made with Pam Anderson(no, I’m not linking to that).