Look, I didn’t want it to have to come to this, but we need to talk, America. Okay, so I understand that having just the one political party is not enough. Because then elections would be really boring and we wouldn’t have any excuses to get into really intense arguments with our relatives at Christmas. [...]

I’ve never been on a cruise ship before, mostly because I really, really don’t ever want to become the “guy who accidentally fell off of a cruise ship and no one ever noticed.” Maybe that’s just me. I’m sure other people are not nearly as afraid as I of accidentally falling off of the side of a cruise ship in the middle of the night and never being heard from again. But the point still stands that I’ve never been on a cruise ship. And the reason for why that is, besides for my ludicrous fear of drowning undetected in the middle of the ocean, is because sometimes cruise ships end up like this.

Overture, curtain, lights. This is it! We’ll hit the highs. And oh what highs we’ll hit! )n with the show, this is it! I don’t know why I just wrote that out. It was literally the first and only thing I thought of. Anyway, the Golden Globes are kind of like an awards show, so [...]

Is it that time of year again? Time to let the TV stars know that they’re loved and appreciated? Apparently so. It’s the Emmys, LIVE on your television screen, and also LIVE on your Internet screen, as I sit and make snarky comments about the show LIVE as it happens. It’s like I’m in your [...]

You there, youth of America. You look like you need to be related to. Do you need to be related to? I bet you do. Don’t worry, kids. I’m totally down with the things that you’re down with. I’m hip. With it. Totally fly and jiggy with it. What I’m trying to say is that [...]